I’m not writing this for you.

I’m not writing this for you. This is for me. I’m blunt deal with it. 

I have been called headstrong. Honestly I wear that title with pride. I’m a STRONG, driven woman.  So if you have  a problem with that, there’s the door.

Let’s get this out of the way: Im Bipolar. I was diagnosed in November of 2017 after my brain broke. I’m not kidding it broke. 

I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t think, everything was racing and choatic. I thought I was solving a puzzle, I wrote symbols and phrases everywhere in the house and made sure  my parents and my husband knew what they meant. 

They took me to a psychologist and I couldn’t even answer her questions I just let my family talk. She gave me her business card and I immediately put it in my mouth because I needed to keep it secret. To this she gave me lolipop like a toddler. 

That’s how my Bipolar journey began.  I had already had a manic episode( at a friend’s wedding weekend, boy did that suck) the previous September and several bouts of deep depression so I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1.

For the next year I navigated this new universe of meds, therapy, psych visits, group therapy and worry from my family at my every move. 

That year was the hardest of my life and I almost died in 2013 from a pulmonary embolism. This was harder. I had to re-learn “who I was” at 30. Hell it’s been a year and I still don’t know. 

Why am I telling you all this? Because I need to write it down. Notice I didn’t say “want” I said “need”. I need these words to be on paper and out of my head. 

Bipolar I disorder has two phases: Mania and Depression. Super-duper “I can do anything” highs, and down in the deepest darkest pit lows.

I have gone through both several times, starting in my late 20s. My mania is DESTRUCTIVE, and my depression is a numbness I can’t even put into words.

I’m writing this blog to bring awareness to this disorder and channel my energy into something positive and beautiful for the world.

The beauty portion of this blog comes from my passion for educating others in all things beauty ( hair,nails,make-up, skincare) and of course the most important: self-care.

I’m excited to start this journey with all of you.